Rick Santorum recently stated that abortion should be uniformly illegal, even in cases of rape or incest. He even went as far to suggest that physicians who provide abortions to such victims should be criminally charged as well.

Santorum is a right-wing candidate in the GOP presidential field who repeatedly expresses his extreme anti-choice position, which would fully eliminate a woman’s right to choice, even in instances when she did not choose to have sex.  He insists that his position is not a matter of religious values, and that all sexual assault survivors should accept their horribly created pregnancy because it is still a gift from God. Survivors should just make the best out of a bad situation, which is a not too dissimilar way of saying, “Just relax and enjoy it.”

Here is what he said word-for-word:

“Well, you can make the argument that if she doesn’t have this baby, if she kills her child, that that, too, could ruin her life. And this is not an easy choice. I understand that. As horrible as the way that that son or daughter and son was created, it still is her child. And whether she has that child or doesn’t, it will always be her child. And she will always know that. And so to embrace her and to love her and to support her and get her through this very difficult time, I’ve always, you know, I believe and I think the right approach is to accept this horribly created — in the sense of rape — but nevertheless a gift in a very broken way, the gift of human life, and accept what God has given to you. As you know, we have to, in lots of different aspects of our life. We have horrible things happen. I can’t think of anything more horrible. But, nevertheless, we have to make the best out of a bad situation.”

Santorum seems to have confused his definition of “choice.” He thinks he can choose to tell women that a baby created through rape is a joyous gift, when it is up to her to make that decision. This isn’t just a decision to get a haircut or a new pair of shoes, it’s committing to a child for the rest of your life, knowing you did not willingly want to convince him or her. Even though it is illegal for a man to force himself upon women, he wants the women to be the unwilling incubator of her rapist’s offspring, regardless of what it does to her mental or physical well-being.  If he gets his way, any women of child-bearing age could, presumably, be forced by any man to breed his child, all while being cheerful and grateful.

He thinks that he has the right to tell women to share his religious beliefs, even if those beliefs limit her right to make her own decisions. Rape and sexual assault causes enduring emotional and physical trauma, often leaving women feeling robbed of any control over her own body and welfare. If she is not able to choose to abort her baby, this will only further her feelings of being “out-of-control,” causing further trauma. Santorum does not understand the complex symptoms that rape and sexual assault survivor’s experience, but still feels the need to strip women survivors of their basic rights. It should be a woman’s choice to abort or keep a child, regardless of how it was created. It is not the government’s choice, and it is certainly not Rick Santorum’s choice.

Last week, a friend approached me with an all too common problem. She said a friend of hers admitted that a close friend of theirs sexually assaulted her, and didn’t know what to do or say.  Being the first person someone tells about a sexual assault can be overwhelming, and it can be hard to find the right words to say. Especially if it involves good friends.

Before you start talking, try to understand what your friend is going through:

• Remember that your friend has been through an emotionally painful, traumatic experience. Your friend may act differently after the assault. Some of your friend’s reactions may be hard to watch, but your “being there” for your friend can help a lot.
• Be patient and understanding. The trauma of a sexual assault does not go away quickly. It may take a while for your friend to recover. Sometimes friends and family members expect sexual assault victims to be “over it” in a few weeks. Understand that the pain the victim feels, and the symptoms, may last for a long time.

Here are some important tips for helping a friend if they have recently experienced a rape or sexual assault:

Be aware of your own feelings about sexual abuse.
If you are uncomfortable talking about this issue, it is okay. Helping the survivor identify who might be able to talk with them about the issue can also be supportive.

Try to respond calmly and openly.
Hearing about sexual abuse can be difficult. It can be very helpful to a survivor if you remain calm and non-judgmental. Also, provide a safe environment for discussion.

Refrain from negative comments about the perpetrator.
Keep in mind that most often, about 85% of the time, individuals who are sexually assaulted/abused are assaulted by someone they know. As a result they may have mixed feelings about the person.

Do not interrogate.
Let the individual tell you about the abuse on his/her terms. Do not pressure the person but let him/her talk when they are comfortable.

Let the individual know that you believe him/her.
Fear of not being believed is a concern expressed by many survivors. Being believed is important for people of all ages and helps eliminate feelings of guilt or shame.

Commend the survivor for talking and reaching out for help.
Talking about the abuse is often a big step. Acknowledge this.

Assure the survivors that they are not to blame for the assault.
Survivors often have deep feelings of guilt or shame about the abuse. Only sexual offenders are at fault for the abuse. No one asks to be raped or assaulted.

Respect the privacy of the survivor.
Do not share what was told in confidence. If you think another person would be better able to help, give the survivor that person’s name.

Provide information about supportive services.
Do not force the survivor to seek out supportive services. Survivors of sexual assault need to regain a sense of control over their lives. Instead, help them locate the correct information and, if appropriate, offer to accompany them.

Encourage the survivor to obtain a medical examination.
If he or she has not done so already, encourage them get a medical examination. But in other respects, resist your natural desire to give advice. Allow the survivor to make their own decision about their next steps.

 [Sexual Assault Support Services - http://www.sassnh.org/find-help/how-to-help-a-friend.cfm]

Sometimes there are helpful things to say, but sometimes there aren’t. One thing I’ve learned while in my position as President of Students Active for Ending Rape at Ithaca College is that sometimes the best thing you can do is just unconditionally listen. Just listen to your friend, who may be trying to make sense of what happened to them. I found that a common obstacle for survivors of sexual assault is the inability to put his or her feelings into words. I believe that allowing them to talk without the fear or judgment or anger can help the survivor sort out their feelings. Also, accept their choice of solution to the assault even if you disagree with what they have chosen to do. It is more important that they feel empowered to make choices and take back control than it is to impose what you feel you think is the correct decision.

Last but not least, don’t forget, take care of yourself. If someone you know is assaulted or raped, you may feel upset. Even if your friend doesn’t want to talk to a counselor, you can get support for yourself. Talking to a counselor can help you understand your own reactions and what you and your friend are going through. A counselor can also give you ideas about how to help your friend.