But it was wrong.

I’ve written a lot about bystander behavior and sexual violence, and the fact that many sexual assaults happen because no one bothers to stop them, even though they have the opportunity.

This is one of the most egregious cases cases of bystander apathy I’ve ever seen.

A woman raped in a Queens subway station was devastated Tuesday when a judge threw out her suit against two transit workers who ignored her screams for help as she was being attacked.

In a nine-page ruling, Queens Supreme Court Justice Kevin Kerrigan concluded a token clerk and a subway conductor had no responsibility to intervene and were following work rules by not confronting the rapist.

I understand that the law can’t require us to take action when we see a violent act being committed. We all have the right to make decisions about what kind of risks we’re willing to take with our safety, and violent offenders are, by definition, dangerous. The subway workers decided they didn’t want to risk their safety. That is their choice.

Since I’ve spent a lot of time writing about/leading trainings on bystander behavior, I’ve thought a lot about what choice I would make in a situation like this.

My choice would be a different one.

We have a responsibility to each other. Especially those of us who want sexual violence to end. We have a responsibility to do what we can to stop each and every act of sexual violence that we can, be it verbal or physical. Every single one of those acts of violence matters, and the people experiencing that violence matter.

I am a million times grateful to those known and unknown mama bear people who have saved my ass in the inevitable dangerous situations we all face. If I could give a giant hug and a box of chocolates to the woman who pulled me away from a gropey guy at a college party where I was too drunk to say no even though I wanted to, to the woman who noticed someone sneaking into the back room of a business where I was working alone at closing time and promptly marched in to drag him out, and to the guy who noticed another man invading my personal space on a subway platform and pretended to be my long-lost friend to get between us, I would. Since I can’t get them chocolates, I pay them back for their kindness by being a mama bear too.

Recently, while on a walk in the park, I saw an adolescent girl being “befriended” by an older man. He had a dog she liked, and he charmed her into walking the dog with him. He kept moving the walk into secluded areas of the park.

Maybe he was a nice guy. Maybe not. But my friends and I followed those two for a good half hour, just to be sure he never got her alone. If he was a nice guy, I’m sure he didn’t even notice us. If not, I’m glad we were able to be a thorn in his side, just for a little while. That’s what mama bears are for.

My friends and I could have left the park. We had places to be, after all. And she wasn’t OUR daughter. But that girl matters. Making sure she was safe was simple human decency. We’re supposed to take care of each other.

The MTA workers may not have done anything illegal, but they did do something that violates our most basic contract with each other as human beings.

I’m sorry I wasn’t there on the subway platform that night, because come hell or high water, I would have stopped that assault. I hope you would have too.