I can’t believe I missed this!
Tufts University has taken a bold step toward regulating sexual activity in dorm rooms. The school, whose main campus is in Medford, Mass., instituted a new policy for students with roommates in on-campus housing: No sex while the other roommate is in the room, and no sexual activity should interfere with a roommate’s privacy, study, or sleep.
Well that’s…interesting. What’s odd about this policy is that it’s not really a policy. A rep for Res Life said:
The sex policy, Ales-Rich said, is intended as a tool to facilitate conversation and compromise between roommates, rather than simply proscribe behavior. Ales-Rich emphasized that ResLife hopes students will be able to resolve the issues on their own instead of allowing conflicts to reach a point at which the office has to intervene.
“We want to make perfectly clear that we do not want to hinder someone from engaging in any personal or private activity,” she said. “But when it becomes uncomfortable for the roommate, we want to have something in place that empowers the residents to have a good conversation with the roommate.”
So the policy is really nothing more than a conversation-starter? Are there any actual repercussions for breaking the rule? Wouldn’t it have made sense to start an ACTUAL conversation with students about sexual etiquette before just making an arbitrary rule? Says Tufts: no, because that would make people uncomfortable!
ResLife saw a need to take the lead in addressing the issue due to its sensitive nature, according to Ales-Rich. “We found in the past that when it comes to sexual activity in the room, students find it an uncomfortable topic to talk about,” she said.
On its face, I don’t really have a problem with this policy in the sense that it is really just a guideline, as one commenter at the Tufts Daily News points out:
And I think that’s more or less correct. It just seems like the whole situation could have been prevented if there had been some more “uncomfortable” conversations going on beforehand. Also the idea of a school in any way regulating consensual sexual behavior—even if there is no real threat of discipline—is really crossing a line.
But more than anything, this rubs me the wrong way because of the sorry state of Tuft’s Sexual Assault Policy. As a writer at the Tufts University Survivors of Rape and Sexual Assault said:
Hmmm…you know what else is of a sensitive nature and uncomfortable to talk about? SEXUAL ASSAULT. Why is Tufts so willing to take initiative to create policies about consensual sexual activities, but failed for so long to acknowledge that sexual assault is a problem for the students (not just the school’s reputation) and to “take the lead” in addressing it?
The Tufts’ survivor’s blog is full of info on why the Tuft’s policy is inadequate, but among other things, the policy has no definition of rape, sexual assault, or consent. So Tufts can take the time to clearly delineate what is and is not appropriate for you and your partner to do in your dorm, but when it comes to sexual assault, students are left in the dark. Take for example the sexual assault policy that appears on the Tufts website and compare it to the policy on relationships between students and their professors. Definitions abound in the latter! And that’s great, because it’s important…but why the gap? The school seriously needs to reprioritize. Waking up to the sounds of your roommate having sex could very well be a huge problem for some folks, above and beyond it being irritating and uncomfortable. But damn, how about spending some of that valuable administrative time and clarifying the policy on rape?
This is very interesting. I was in the Army and we had the same problem. It is not really a problem the student has to talk to his roomate ahead of time and everything will be ok if he is not a cockblocker. Why make a big deal out of something like this. I think the students is old enough and will solve this problem on their own. I, as a parent is sure the admin has other important issues to talk about..rape. We were all young and I know this will work out without outside help. There is a way…let the student be a student. Simple
LJ
I am actually impressed that the University is taking steps on this, not sure how successful those steps will be but…when I went to Tufts back in the 80s, my roommates would have boyfriends over whenever they wanted and enjoy them very publicly and it was really embarrassing and awful. Frankly, if both of you have to share a room (which both of you are paying for as part of your tuition) have the decency to have sex elsewhere and don’t put your roommate on the spot by saying “Is it okay if…” The issue is not the consensual part–no one quibbles with that, it’s the public space sharing of what is you and your roommate’s bedroom–not you, your roommate, and both of your SOs or one night stands bedroom.
Be considerate. And keep your sex life private.
I do not want to be in the room with my father-in-law when he takes Viagra with his new sweet 20 years younger lady friend, since my much loved mother-in-law passed away, 2 years gone now. I am happy for him but.. .
And I do not want my children in the same room when my husband and I do-it.
Be considerate. And keep it private. In school especially. Study and get a degree–and don’t impede your roomates ability to do so.
Kids having sex at college!?!?……….not my baby girl!!! Say it ain’t so!!
This issue is about privacy and impacts the entire dormitory ‘floor’ on many campuses since oftentimes, the floors are segregated by male and female. So when a male is sleeping over in a females dorm room and using their bathrooms, etc., it is a no-brainer to get the campus police involved to get rid of the freeloading interloper. Conversely, should a male invite a female into a double or triple dorm room on a male floor, its extremely inconsiderate to his room-mates, but also impacting everyone else on that floor should the female need the bathroom.. Hello? All it takes is for the campus police to intervene, notify both kids parents, give them a warning, and then revoke their dorm privileges. Their are apts. they can rent out if they need to. This is not new, and not rocket science.
It’s about time — and a sad commentary that it took Tufts until now to implement this policy — regardless of how effectively one may think it can enforce this policy. Like PMurray, I attended Tufts in the 80s, and was in a triple dorm room with two other young women — so privacy was at a premium with two roomates as opposed to one to begin with. Add to that the indignity of sleeping on the top bunk of two of the three beds in the room — and, of course, it was the roomie with the bottom bunk who would engage in sex with her “boyfriend” on a regular basis, to the extent that, if I had already gone to sleep, I would be awakened — and then afraid to leave for fear of embarrassing myself and them by letting them know their antics ahd awakened me — and if I had not yet gone to bed, and opened the door to find them “busy,” I would be forced into exile elsewhere until I was certain they were done. When I went to my RA for advice, she (unhelpfully) suggested I speak to the offending roommate. Tried that, only to have offending roommate tell me “we don’t get a lot of privacy!” REALLY!! What an understatement — being forced to tolerate her having sex with her “boyfriend” along with two roommates was seriously cutting into MY privacy and she had the audicity to come back with that for an answer!? I am hardly a prude, but being forced to witness others having sex is degrading, and then to have that roommate come back with that sort of response is insulting. To make matters worse, I had known the “boyfriend” from childhood, as our parents having been friends since childhood (and in each others’ wedding parties) — which made it all the more bitter pill to swallow then, as now, since one rightly would think that someone you’d known almost all your life would not impose as much as a stranger would. I guess this fact only highlights why such a policy absolutely IS necessary — and rather than having folks question whether and how it would be enforced, Tufts should be advised that infractions of this policy should be vigorously enforced with serious penalties, including expulsion. My experience soured me on Tufts in general, leading me to decide either to transfer out or spend my junior year abroad (I chose the latter, but now have nothing to do with the school as an alumna) — and I am certain played some factor in my attitude of not really caring what people do in thier private lives — just don’t share the intimate details with me, because I neither want to know nor be a witness to the same.
For those who only used a first name or other non-distinguishing acronym, COWARD. I gave my last name in an effort to be honest about this. I know was subjected to the idignties at issue. I certainly do not mean to imply that college-age kidsshould not engage in sex — and if you think so, you totally missed the point. By all means, have at it — that’s the age when hormones are raging and we should all expect this would occur. The only question is whether it should occur in the presence of an involuntary and unwilling roommate who feel suncomfortable about it all. I never wanted to be a “witness” and certainly did all I could do (under the circumstances) to IGNORE what was going on in the bunk bed below me. Sadly, I was never given a choice about my “participation” as a witness, because, despite my requests for advance notice so I could remove myself, none were ever forthcoming — basically because the drunken idiots never planned ahead. Okay, they were idiots, and never planned ahead, but that still doesn’t make their actions “right” and in fact makes them even more “wrong” than ever — understandable as stupid teenagers, perhpas, but excusable as acceptabel conduct, NEVER. And if you think it is, you are either one of them, or a total PIG.
[...] has caused a buzz around campus and on lots of news stations. The SAFER blog has a post up containing their thoughts about this. It links to the Tufts University Survivors of [...]